On Exhaustion
Sometimes life burdens me with so much, I run out of capacity for things that mean the most to me. It is not avoidable; I have duties and responsibilities that must be seen to. I am not one to shirk that which is expected of me out of tiredness.
However, sometimes this means that I am no longer my own person. I am no longer able to contribute effort to that which I care for more deeply, more personally. I am thieved of myself. It is hard not to be resentful of this. The impacts are clear: I am less happy, less productive, and I begin to lose myself. My anxieties grow, my mood drops, and paranoid thoughts about my own identity float to the surface.
The psychological impact of being beholden to that which is not a core part of my being is substantial. I have a project ahead of me: how do I retain my sanity when I have no energy for myself?